If you are reading this please pray for me. I really need to learn to keep the bright light and Joy of Christ in me always. Sometimes it disappears. I do not know where it goes, but fight to keep the bad thoughts away. It has been awhile since I have felt this way. I could be the lack of sleep, a cycle thing, it could be extra stress at work/home, or it could just be me not dealing as I should with life. I often feel that those around me despise me. They are just waiting for me to fail or go away. I guess I am not really that nice of a person. I am rude, abrasive, curt, and annoying! How can anyone stand to be around me. I try to make things easier for people at work, but they think I am bossy for doing that. I do not understand. I cannot wait to get to heaven. Maybe then I will finally be the person I feel I need to be.
Speaking of work, I have been here longer than anyone else at the entry level! I have gained so much since starting, but I know that that does not matter. I will never be given a promotion around here. Next week I will find out if that is true. I think I truly hate this job. I do not mind my normal daily work; however, I hate when I have to get on the phones, and I do not much enjoy the co-workers any more. They claim I am rude, but it seems OK for them to speak to me any way they feel they would like to do so. I guess over the years I have lost MUCH respect for those that I work with. I know they do not care about the job and they do not like me because I do! This is about the first time I have really felt bad for doing what Jesus wanted me to do.
I know I am over reacting. God will provide for me and care for me. I have more people who would go to the ends of the world for me than any one person deserves. I need to be thankful for what I have and stop dewelling on what I do not. Honesly who cares if the poeple at work appreciate me, the people at church do, my family does, my friends do. If Lockheed Martin does not think that I am worthy of a promotion after 5.5 years, then I guess when my 6 year anniversery is up and I can leave without penality (tuition reimbursement) then I will be GONE before the door closes.
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2 comments:
It sounds like the job is poisoning you. I've had jobs like this where I felt like I was horribly misunderstood and so stopped caring about the work. But I've never worked anywhere even close to six years. I think you have the right idea. If it doesn't improve by the six-year anniversary, look for something else. Since you have to spend so much of your life at work, there's no reason to stay somewhere where you're unhappy.
Best of luck! I will pray for you.
I am not sure if poison is the right word,but it is close.
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