Sex, Power, Lust, Sex

Sex, Power, Lust, Sex… These are the things we want; ok this may just be my world. However, I know there are more out there than just me. As shameful as it is I have spent most of my life attempting to find out what pleases the opposite sex so I can find a mate. Now I know I am very picky (right now I am going though a catholic phase), but I still have not figured out this relationship thing.

When I was younger, I was told by my future husband (we were engaged) that he wanted me to give myself to him. Being a tender age of 16, I stupidly thought this was a good idea, so I did. When we broke-up he blamed it all on me and the fact that we had had sex on the break-up. Well then came future husband #2. After one time, the second time is much easier. I though that this was what life was about. Fighting… then making up. It is what is on TV, radio, and magazines. This is also all the friends talk about when together.

After being alone for going on 2 years, I have found that this idea is SEVERALLY flawed. One of my catholic buddies and I were talking about relationships. We decided that in order for a relationship to work there could be NO physical contact. This is so true. The moment the hand touches (especially if you are already tainted) it is just a matter of time before you fall again. It also adds an entirely new level of frustration to the relationship. Both parties magically become controlling and jealous, because if X can have sex with me then they can have it with anyone!

Yes, yes, this is a very sad situation. So in order to satisfy this problem there can be no physical contact, no temptations for sex, or at least, very little temptation. I feel really close to Augustine on some of the topics. Many have said that his sexual activities were overplayed… however, I understand what he means. True I am not the angel with the sacred seal still intact; however, I also am not the girl down the street that has so many notches in her lipstick case that it looks like a tooth pick. Well here is something that stuck me about his attitude about sex… I may write about friendship later.

This quote does speak to me, but I would have to replace the past tense verbs with present tense ones…

“But I was wrenched and seething with passion. I had abandoned you, and was drifting wherever the tied of my own desire took me. I had gone beyond all the limits st by your Law, and I did not escape you lash; for who among mortals can? You were always present with me, striking me in your mercy, and smearing the bitterest pains over all my illicit pleasures. This you did to the end that I should seek pleasure without pain; and where I found this, I should find nothing but you, O Lord; you, who fashion pain in your instruction, and smite us, that you may made us whole (Hosea 6.2); who slay us, that we die not apart from you (Deut. 32.39). Where I was in that sixteenth year of my fleshly life, how far was I exiled from the joys of your house (Micah 2.9), when I gladly surrendered myself to the rule of lust – a madness which man, even in his disgrace condition, regards as excessive, and which your laws regard as illegal? My family were not concerned to keep me from plunging headlong by marring me off; they were concerned only that I should learn how to speak as well as possible and to carry an audience with my eloquence.” (2.2.4)

This quote is fromAugustine, (2001) The cofessions. Everymans Publishers plc, London.