Too much

Ok, as many of you reading know, I do not post information about my personal life; however, here is one post that breaks the trend....


I have a theory! Now please understand this is again just based on my personal experiances.

I am reading A Return to Modesty by Shalit and it stated that girls in the 90's experianced more sexual harassment and more direct harassment than what occured in the 50's. This reminded me about the fact that I mentioned in High School that I would not know what sexual harassment was if it hit me in the face. I grew up with the idea that it was OK to touch members of the opposit sex. In fact I would regularly sit on my friends' laps (mainly guys) and also wrestle with them. This was normal everyday events for me. I thought it was funny because everyone else did, and if no one tells you or acts like something is wrong then it must be ok... or so I thought.

It seems sad to me that we become SO unsensitized to bad things occuring all around us. We feel it is normal to treat humans as eye candy. In fact, we dress so people DO treat us this way! Girls wearing shorts that are shorter than some people's underware, guys forgoing shirts to show off chests, and girls almost forgoing shrits for the same. It seems we feel the more flesh we show the more desireable we become. However, the only people we are attracting are people we more than likly do not want. Then we do things with them that are not a good idea; however, we do it anyway because it is what we THINK we are suposed to do. The sexual encounters are more common than playing tag anymore! Middle school girls getting pregnet, in fact I know a boy who has been active since he was like 11 or 12! Why is this occuring in our sociaty?

I am starting to think it is because sexual contact is all we see, we think there is nothing else avalible. I noted that even children's shows have little kids (3-6 years of age) claiming and proclaiming they have "boyfriends" or "girlfriends". At least they ALWAYS have a love interest! I think this should be STOPPED. Though I have not always felt this way.

My background may be a bit confused because I was sexually molested when I was quite young, this tends to change the sexual perspecitve; however, it should not have changed it THIS much! My mother was very open about sex and that it was normal to have. There was talk that I should wait till I was married; however, she never really could tell me why. She did not wait and she was living with a man she was unmarried and had 2 kids by him. What they could tell me is that it was wrong to "sleep" next to someone that you were not married to (they did/do not share a bed). This was strange to me.

Anyway... my first encounter was with my first real boyfriend. He said he wanted it and I wanted to give him something "good" so I decided that i would give him my body. When we broke up he told me this decision had been the sole thing that destroyed our relationship! So the next guy I tried even harder to "keep him satisifed" because all of the married women I worked with told me that was the most important thing in a relationship. Well we broke up... What a suprise! Now I know why these relationships did not work and why they could not have worked! Man I am GREAT at messing things up. Though it was not because I wanted to destroy the relationships, it was because I did not know there was anything better.
I did learn that sex was not the answer; however, I feel once you say yes one time it seems a bit off to say no the next. I am trying to teach myself that it is OK to say no. I feel like an after school special... that is not so special. I pray that one day I can learn to overcome my eary teachings that sex is as necessary as air, and I hope I can deprogram myself to beable to stand up for what is pure, right, and Holy!