Personal Time

I have a problem. Now I do feel confident to write these words since I am sure that there are very few people live who will ever read them. Therefore, I feel that I can ‘talk’ freely about my feelings for a moment.

I am very single, as in, I do not even have any interested parties (that I know of) who would enjoy the opportunity to see me smile at them in that special way. Though I do have two guys that make me smile when I think of them. It is just that I have never been able to tell them that. They are my friends and I would not want to risk loosing my friendship with them. They are also both Catholics. I have wondered on occasion, how much my RCIA willingness has stemmed from the idea that maybe… just maybe… they would notice me.

This is such a non-reason to take the classes, and I know that this is not my sole or even main reason to take the class. However, I tend to over analyze things. I wonder if or when I should tell these guys that I like them. I have left notes for them about how much I care, but then again males are generally poor at picking up hints. One lives in a different state with no plans of moving here in the near future. The other is quite young (4 years younger) and he does not seem to be able to keep his mind on one subject for more than 10 seconds, no matter what the subject.

All well, maybe someday God will send me a leader for my future family. One who is willing and able to lead me in the way a man should. Maybe then I will be able to bow to the leadership of him and more importantly my God.
Well now that I have written more than I have in 3 months LOL, I will say good-bye. I hope God inspires me to write more about these topics as I move through RCIA, life, and challenges.